Testing the Voice Recorder

Claire's place, Windsor. Wednesday, February 24, 2010. Approx. 10:30pm.

Front Courtyard Banter – 2 ½ hours in

(conversation about over-loud orgasmic sounds)

Claire: … it's because it's at night when it's dead quiet... and it magnifies.

Me: Hmm.

Claire: Poor Dave – this is Drew's brother.

Me: How old is Dave?

Claire: Twenty-six, and a virgin. I need to find him a lady, Piper. He has such high expectations; he wants a bleached blonde, leggy, intelligent, creative, musical woman! Where am I going to find someone like that?

Me: No chance.

Drew: Hmm.

Claire: Well, he doesn't understand that that woman doesn't exist.

Me: He'll be pleasantly surprised.

Claire: You think?

Drew: Well, that's what he's got in his head, but, like, yeah, if you talk to someone new that you like, that you get along with...

Claire: Yeah...

Drew: … That's not in your head anymore. You just like them and you don't really care, like...

Claire: But he never goes out anywhere! Where's he gonna meet this woman?! [Unintelligible dialogue]

me: Well, he's not going to meet her, but one day he'll meet -

Claire: Maybe.

Me: - I mean, he's getting to a point where he's getting a bit older, and as they get older...

Claire: They being men.

Drew: Yeah I know [laughter all round], [Drew impersonates David Attenborough] As they age...

[LAUGHTER]... the male human... Piper Attenborough.

Me: You did that so well!

Claire: Yeah, you did [giggles]

Me: I haven't heard a David Atttenborough impression that good.

Claire: Drew does really good accents. Do your Irish accent.

Drew [still on the subject of his David Attenborough impersonation]: It's alarmingly like that gardening guy...

Me: Peter Cundall? The one on the A – like, um, Australian Gardening [Gardening Australia]?

Drew: Yeah [proceeds to gesture to imaginary soil and impersonate the voice of Peter Cundull – rest is unintelligible amid my shrieks of laughter, and Yes! Yes!, “That is sooo good!”]

Claire: Do your Irish accent.

Drew: Oh, everyone does the Irish one.

Me: I got accosted by an Irishman today and he completely forced my bank account details out of me! [Laughter]

Claire: Did you get yourself signed up to another one?!

Drew: To another Irishman?

Claire: Now you're with five!

Me: Yeah, I can't even afford to buy my groceries, and now I'm giving to WSPA

Claire: Piper you can't affor... You have to learn how to say no!

Me: I tried to say no! And then when I told him... I said, I said, but I already give to you... And he was like, really? How much do you give? And I was like, um, and he's like, you don't give to us do you [laughter].

[incomprehensible murmuring from Drew in accord]

Me: I was like: I give to Greenpeace, and I get emails from you guys. And he said, well that's not giving to us, now, is it? You lied to me.

[chuckle-gasps]