Where Is My Purple Jumper?

I carry a knapsack
On my back
For those moments
When thought and memory shadows
Step across my vision of light.
Where once I let the shadows
Encase me in concrete
Now I'm learning to bend down,
Pick up my shadows of memory
And fold them up inside
The knapsack on my back.
I'm standing on the bank
Of a great misty lake
My toes caressed by gass
And naked, but for this bag
I carry eveywhere.
It's here that I have to let them free.
So I open my knapsack
And pour forth from it's depths
My own
Into the place from whence they have come.
Free and cleansed; my empty bag
Disappears
But I have come to meet my maker
So I dive
Down and
Down and
Down
Where the moonlight of my mind
No longer shimmers on the severed
Hearts and hands floating round me.
Thunder bursts in my ears
As I descend to a place
Where I stop breathing
And seeing
Where logic ceases to exist.
And I fall into her grotto.
She's there, black and cold
Impenetrable with talons
And spiky tale.
Her yellow eyes, nonchalant
Ask
“What took you so long?”
I realize that I'm supposed to have
Some sort of weapon
Like an enchanted sword
Or some pepper spray
And I have nothing
Standing before her
Naked and scared
And having forgotten why I came.
“I guess you came
To check out the loot?”
She makes to show me
Around her cave -
Our cave -
And just what she guards
There for me.
The horrors of my ego.
First we checked out the state of my pride.
Then we moved onto the arrogance,
The envy, jealousy, the possessiveness
And when we hit the state of my vanity
I broke down and cried.
“There, there,” she said.
“I've seen worse. At least you came by
To check out the state of things.
And look!”
She points to a shrivelled up heart
In a glass box
“Your fear's got a bit more colour in it.
It's a lonely life in here
But your dodgy bits provide the drama.”
“Can't I free you from here?”
I ask. She bravely replies,
“This is my duty. I must feed
Off your fear, selfishness,
Your guilt and malice.
The less you leave me,
The weaker I become.
We gazed at each other
Both with mixed feelings.
Where I should have come
To slay her, I felt nothing
But compassion.
I thanked her, wanting her
To transform and come with me.
A final question, instead:
“Where is my life going?”
“Don't mistake me for
Being enlightened, Honey.
I'm your darkness
Not your light.
It's what's here in this cave
That holds you back
Don't ask your ego -
You'll just have to live it out.
Follow. Your. Bliss.”
I promised to come back
And visit her
To balance out the lack of food
I'd be providing her with.
We'd share the past
And I'd go off to the future
Floating back up to
Where the moon shines
Through my memories
And I'd search the drifting debris
For clues as to where
I left my purple jumper.

Dream

My arm around your

Shoulders

My nose against your

Neck -

Breathing,

Wanting your smell to be

In my last aching inhalations.

But softly,

So softly, so I don't frighten,

Push you away.

You take my lips in yours

Gently, so gently,

Afraid to share too much.

I'm dying in your kiss,

Yearning to live

To see the day that this

Kiss

Might be real.

I wake

Alone

Broken

Hearted

But

Thankful that your smell

Remains

Bottled

Deep in my memory

To comfort and pleasure

My empty armed sleep.